A reflection on how to survive emotional pain — and why making it through the first wave, no matter how long it lasted, is already a form of healing.
We often forget how much strength it takes to survive emotional pain, especially the very first wave of it.
One random day, while teaching my SEN class, a child gave me a sticker and hung it on the reward chart.
Then, just as quickly, he took it off.
I asked why.
And he looked at me and said:
“We passed it.”
He was just referring to reward time being over.
But those three words stayed with me longer than he did that day.
At the time, I was stuck in an emotional loop, the same hurt resurfacing again and again.
But when I heard “we passed it,” something clicked.
Pain can come in many forms: emotional or physical, sudden or slow, short or stretched across months or even years.
But the very first moments of it always hit the hardest.
And once that first wave passes — even if the pain returns, something in you has already shifted.
It’s not that pain disappears.
It’s that the first moments of it, those raw, untamed, breath-stealing moments, do pass.
And once they do, you’re no longer in the same raw state.
Even if the pain revisits, you’re not as unarmed as when it first knocked you down.
You survived the loudest part of it.
That deserves grace.
That deserves gratitude.
The first moments of any pain are its sharpest, and once they’ve passed, you’ve already started healing, even if you don’t feel it yet.
This truth came back to me again when my cousin, who had no health issues, suddenly had a seizure.
I still remember his mom screaming his name from downstairs while I was praying.
We didn’t know what was happening. We’d never experienced anything like it before.
The fear in her voice, the chaos of the unknown, it shook us.
But later, I reminded her:
“You passed it. The first time.”
And that was the hardest part — not because the pain disappeared,
but because the first experience always hits the deepest when you don’t see it coming.
So now I hold this with me:
You passed yesterday’s pain.
You passed this morning’s ache.
You’ll pass this hour’s wave too.
It could’ve been the first minute, the first week, or the first year — but still, you passed it.
And that, in itself, deserves grace.
People don’t always realize how much strength it takes to get through just that first wave.
There might be more to feel, more to face, but you’ve already made it past what once felt impossible.
And even if it returns, it will never be the first time again.
And maybe that’s what surviving emotional pain looks like.
Not waiting to feel whole again.
Not expecting it to vanish forever.
But simply realizing this:
You’ve already lived through the first wave.